When you're single, it's really hard to take a vacation. In the last 19 years since I started teaching, I have only taken 2 actual vacation trips, both long weekends. I understand the need to get away and the desire to travel to amazing destinations, see beautiful sights and experience interesting things. Not to complain, I have enjoyed spending time off resting, visiting family and taking in the local sights and cuisine and the occasional day-trip. I have taken my Bands to some really great places, but those aren't vacations, more like the opposite. Most great vacation destinations aren't fun by yourself. If I had a girlfriend, I can see why it would be tempting to want to vacation together, but because I am a Christian, I know better. This post is by no means a claim that I am some sort of perfect, sinless saint or expert when it comes to relationships. I am none of those things. But I have seen many friends that I respect, even people involved in professional ministry, who seem to think it is perfectly fine to travel alone with their significant other.
It concerns me when I see Christian friends posting pictures all over social media as they travel the country and the world, alone, with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Are you paying for separate rooms? .....Hmmmm? I doubt it. Are you sleeping in separate beds? ....Probably not. Your pictures indicate an intimate couples retreat. The moment I see those pictures, I am tempted to have less respect for you than I previously did. I can't help but question your integrity and that of your ministry. (Though I promise, I'm trying to remember my own various failings as well) It's one thing to sin. We all do. But it is quite another to parade it in front of the world and ask them to celebrate your sin with you.
Now, I have no problem with a couple traveling together to meet each other's families...If you're going to be staying at someone's parent's house...in separate bedrooms. I have no problem with my Un-Christian friends traveling wherever they want, whenever they want and with whomever they want. But when we call ourselves by the name of Christian, and in particular when we take positions of ministry and influence within a church, then we don't get to do things like that and we surely do not get to flaunt it. James 3:1 admonishes us:
Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.
From a Biblical perspective, it is true that sex is the act of marriage. BUT, before the union of husband and wife ever took place, a marriage contract was agreed to. While the marriage celebration would have taken place after the consummation of the relationship, the marriage covenant was already in place. To apply that to modern times, you should have a marriage certificate before engaging in marital intimacy. Before sexual intimacy, a man needs to make formal promises and pledges of his faithfulness, intention, motives, provision, family plans and most importantly, Love. And these promises need to be witnessed.
Gentlemen, even if you feel that giving a girl an engagement ring gives you the right to the marriage bed, (though I believe you are mistaken) you are responsible for her reputation and future ministry as well as your own. In speaking about rights verses responsibilities, 1 Corinthians 8:9 teaches us:
But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak.
Our actions should not harm someone else's faith or give them reason to question the integrity of the gospel message we deliver. Even if you have made a pledge or given your word, you need to have the legal document in place. If I was your pastor, church discipline might be in order. But I am not your pastor, I am your brother. I have made the choice not to look down on someone because their particular sin happens to be different than mine. What I am saying is that we need to think about how we represent Jesus.
Therefore let us stop judging one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.
It really gets to me when people who present themselves as being sold out for Jesus and laboring in the gospel, commit flagrant open sin and advertise it to the world as being ok. 1Timothy 3:2 teaches:
Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach
1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to Flee Fornication. That refers to any type of sex outside of covenant marriage. The good news is that intimacy within marriage is absolutely holy. Hebrews 13:4 teaches: Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. If you want to travel with her, fellas, then marry her. If you can't wait any longer, then Marry her. As a teenager, I remember being very upset that a couple I respected had chosen to go on a honeymoon before they got married for the sake of convenience and the wedding date they had set. If it affected me that strongly, how might it have affected an unbeliever who looked to them as an example? I also remember being very impressed when one of our FCA sponsors, a very godly man explained to us at our Bible study meeting that he had set a wedding date, but they felt they could not wait for months until a church became available, so they were having a Saturday wedding in their backyard for an intimate gathering of close friends and family. I never forgot his integrity.
Years ago I know some friends who had purchased an apartment together, but the wedding date was a few months away and they could not afford to keep paying separate rent. So they hopped across the state line, visited Lavern's wedding chapel and got hitched. They went through with the big church wedding for their family. But this way, they were not a stumbling block to any of the friends that knew they were already co-habitating.
I have seen friends post pictures of themselves traveling with that special someone they probably expected to marry, but then didn't..... Ladies, when I was in college, I can't even tell you how many guys would give a cheap promise ring or enter an engagement without a ring to get a girl to sleep with them...with either no intention of ever tying the knot, or lacking the integrity to see it through.
The Biblical standard is and always has been crystal clear. Sex is for marriage between one man and one woman for life. A marriage covenant always preceded sex. If you are unfamiliar what the Bible teaches on this subject of sexuality, I would invite you to study more in-depth here: http://thetrustworthyword.blogspot.com/2016/04/identity-crisis-created-in-image-of-god.html
When you post pictures on facebook or other social media for your friends to "like" and "love" and show approval of your un-married couples vacay, you are inviting them to join in your sin by affirming it. Whatever freedoms we may have, or think we have, in the Gospel, are always tempered by responsibility. Galatians 5:13 leaves us with this encouragement:
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.
Let's serve each other by the way we represent Jesus and humbly sacrifice some of our own desires for the sake of the good news and the calling we have received.
