Friday, June 1, 2018

Crisis Counseling 2: Sexual Assault and Abuse

Words can not express how sickened I was to read the words of the former President of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, the school I attended, telling his head of security to let him meet with a rape victim alone, so he could "break her down," in 2015. This is horrifying. I broke down and ugly cried when I read the report from the Board of Trustees explaining why Paige Patterson was fired. I paced around my apartment, agonized to think of a woman being treated that way. I understand how the Old Testament prophets must have felt so grieved as to tear their clothes and sit in sackcloth and ashes. There was another incident in 2003 at Southeastern Seminary in which he shamed a rape victim into silence, instructed her not to report to law enforcement and actually punished her by putting her on probation. Blaming and Shaming victims of sexual assault is wrong and it happens all the time and it has to stop. 

I prefer to just address issues.
I am a sinner and have no right to stand in judgement over anyone. But to prevent this from happening again, we have to learn our lesson, talk about why Dr. Patterson was wrong and examine 3 ways to help women in crisis. 

There was another incident that occurred while I was attending Southwestern that illustrates just how terrible the church and institutional leaders can be at dealing with these issues, how callously men speak and how much change, correction of beliefs and re-teaching is necessary. 

They held a "Revival" for the students in the College at Southwestern and invited us graduate students to come as well. Midway through his presentation, the speaker directed his attention to a group of young college girls, only 18 or 19, and said "You're angry with God because he allowed...." He mentioned fathers, brothers, boyfriends and strangers as he began describing rape, incest, molestation, abuse and sexual assault. Then, and this is when I lost it, he dramatically raised his hands wide to the sky, and told them to "embrace the sovereignty of God." He said that these violations they had suffered were part of God's plan or His will for their lives and He wanted to use it. His words clearly indicated that God had planned, caused, willed and ordained for these things to happen. I was sitting there, Bible in hand, ready to refute this false teaching, but I couldn't do it. I wanted to go up to the platform, rip the microphone out of his hand and teach the truth, but I didn't. I just stormed out and paced around the Riley Center building. I went back inside, stood outside the door and contemplated bursting back in there to preach. But, shamefully, I didn't. 

God is sovereign, which means that He reigns over the universe, BUT People are sinful. We do things that are directly against God's will, things He never desired that violate His righteous rules, things He never wanted, absolutely forbids, commands against and punishes. Satan is evil and takes pleasure in tempting and causing people to harm each other. 1 John 3:8 teaches that Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil. It is not only compassionless and despicable, but also blasphemous and heretical to tell a woman who has been sexually assaulted that God caused that to happen to her. If the god you worship causes rape, then the god you worship is the devil. 

Here is what the Bible teaches in 1 Thessalonians 4:2-8, emphasis added: 

For you know what commands we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For THIS is God's will, your sanctification: that you keep away from sexual immorality, that each of you knows how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not with lustful passions, like the Gentiles, who don't know God. This means one must not transgress against or take advantage of a brother or sister in this manner, because the Lord is an AVENGER of all these offenses, as we also previously told and warned you. For God has not called us to impurity but to live in holiness. Consequently, anyone who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who gives you His Holy Spirit. 

God orders us to keep away, or abstain from sexual immorality, which is the word porneai. This refers to any sexual sin and ALL sex crimes. It is clearly God's will that no one commit such acts and that no one EVER be harmed in any sexual way. Warning against lustful passions means that it is God's will that no one act out lustful or depraved desires which would cause harm or tragedy to another person. The words transgress and take advantage describe walking all over another person, abusing them and overstepping boundaries. These words forbid every kind of sexual manipulation, force, coercion, pressure and deception. This means that no one should press an advantage, cross boundaries or exploit, assault, rape or misuse any person in any sexual way. It is wrong to impose one's will onto another person. In contrast to what the liar said to those young college women, God has declared that it is His will that they be protected from every type of sexual harm and the physical and emotional trauma that follows. In fact, God is an AVENGER of such crimes. He is judge and executioner against those who commit sex crimes and take advantage of others and will destroy those who do not repent. 

In an effort to discredit the woman who bravely came forward to report about how then-President Patterson and others mistreated her at Southeastern Seminary back in 2003, a stolen, confidential letter was released by the wife of Patterson's chief of staff. In the letter the victim apologized for disgracing the school, confessed sin, stated that her humiliation and embarrassment were her own fault, said that there was "nothing good in her" and thanked him for disciplining her. School records prove that she reported the rape. According to the Washington Post and the Baptist Press, Dr. Danny Akin, the current President of Southeastern who has acted honorably since learning of this situation, has confirmed beyond question that school records prove she reported the rape. He also confirmed to the Post that 3 meetings occurred between the victim, Patterson and 3 other men.

As soon as I read the letter, I believed she had been counseled, pressured or coached to write it. Dr. Akin also seemed to indicate that she had been asked to write the letter. This rape happened. The only thing this letter proves is that she is not only the victim of a sexual assault, but she is also the victim of Nouthetic counseling. This is a type of "counseling" that admonishes and corrects people for their sins. That's fine if you're counseling a man who cheated on his wife or is involved in a besetting sin of some type. But it is wildly inappropriate, cruel, compassionless, harmful and even dangerous to use such techniques on someone who has been the victim of a crime. During my time in Seminary, concern was expressed over this issue in Biblical Counseling class, which prompted productive class discussion and we did receive some instruction in crisis counseling, but it needed more attention in my opinion. Counseling from the Bible is good, but the character, nature and heart of God are not being faithfully represented when a victim is admonished and punished. This courageous woman has stated that she felt she was "broken down" by Dr. Patterson the same way the other victim was. 6 other women from Southwestern and 2 from Southeastern have reached out, reporting that they were shamed, silenced and treated the same way. I believe this action is evil and it grieves the very heart of God.

I am not an expert in counseling victims of sexual assault. But my heart breaks for them. It hurts my soul to think of someone being hurt in that way. Here is what I have learned and what I believe we must do: 

1. Minister Safety and Protection
Christian men do not rape. Any man who does rape is not a Christian and must be turned over to law enforcement. Romans 13:1 tells us to submit to the governing authorities and verse 2 tells us that resisting authority is opposing what God has set in place. Refusing to report crimes is resisting authority. Stand beside the victim when she is ready to speak and support her decisions. When a man of God counsels a victim, his responsibility is to the woman, not to protect the reputation of his school, church or denomination by silencing her, but to protect HER, her safety, her well-being, her reputation, her privacy, her mental and physical health and God's reputation by ministering peace, dignity, healing, hope and protection--including that which comes from law enforcement and justice. We must do everything in our power to ensure her future safety and well-being and the safety of other women through our own efforts, medical attention, professional help and the legal system. A culture that demeans women in any way cannot be a safe place. Beginning in local churches and the Seminaries that train future church leaders, we must create a culture that respects women and honors the full expression of their God-given gifts, talents and abilities. 

Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution. whether to the emperor as the supreme authority or to governors as those sent out by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. -1 Peter 2:13-14

2. Minister Dignity
I will never forget sitting in a "True Love Waits" rally. While some aspects of the teaching about purity were meaningful and made a real impact on me, what is burned into my memory is being so upset as the speaker compared a woman's virtue to a magazine that everyone puts their hands all over, or a rose that everyone passes around, handles and smells until it is all worn out and nobody wants it. Those statements should be followed by #SaidNoBibleEver. God does not view women that way. Godly men do not view women that way. Nothing that any person can do to you can defile you or make you less in God's eyes. God's word says that in his eyes you are precious, a treasure, accepted, blessed, dearly loved and longed for, the apple of His eye, saints, special, a praise, saved, forgiven, sanctified, not forsaken, a crown of glory, a habitation of God, a holy temple, a pillar, wise and understanding, beloved, ambassadors, eternal excellency, chosen, faithful, a child of the promise, friends, good and faithful servants, overcomers; heirs of the promise the kingdom and salvation; disciples, His workmanship, a royal priesthood, joy, mighty ones, anointed, ministers, stewards, the bride of Christ, more than conquerors, daughters, redeemed, The Work of My Hands, Children of the Most High Living God. 

You are so precious to God. If a woman is not a believer, then we tell her how much God loves her and how precious she is to Him and share the very good news about Jesus. If a woman is already a believer, then every word above is already true about her. The term "the apple of my eye," means that God is so close to you, He can see his own reflection in your eyes. All women are created in His image and are worthy of dignity, honor and respect. Nothing can ever change that. Because of Jesus, believers are pure, spotless and perfect in His sight. 

3. Minister Peace
Any woman who has suffered such an unspeakable act of evil is going to have fear and anxiety. I cannot even imagine what that must be like. Men can be insensitive to an astonishing degree. And a woman who has been harmed in this way might have serious trust issues with men for a while. It is very good for married couples to counsel together in my opinion. In any case, I believe it is important to have a woman present to offer comfort and support. Sex crimes are so humiliating. It might even be better to let a woman or a few women counsel the victim without a man present if possible. 

It is extremely difficult for victims to share what has happened to them. Any time a woman is brave enough to articulate that abuse, assault or rape has occurred, this shows that she trusts you and she is almost certainly telling the truth. It is not our place to interrogate. It is our place to comfort. 

He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we can comfort those who are in any kind of affliction. -2 Corinthians 1:4

God comforts us so that we can comfort others. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. We act on His behalf. Here are some passages of Scripture that can help us to get started. 

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled; do not be afraid. -John 14:27

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7

It is natural to dwell on the evil and harm that has been suffered. It is common for a victim to be forced to relive her most painful experience over and over. The Scripture above promises that God will give us a peace beyond anything we can imagine and that he will protect our hearts and minds. It is followed by this:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Don't keep bringing up the issue unless she does. Don't let this one event define a person. Allow people to move on. In due time, help them to forgive--which does not mean letting the person into their life, it means turning the person over to God's judgement and not being consumed with hatred. Find things that are good and work to bring them into the lives of those around us.

When you
counsel, be slow to speak and quick to listen. It is very hard for a woman to say the word "rape," and they don't want to relive what happened to them by describing it. You have to be a good listener. Don't interrupt, Don't Interrogate. Don't start giving advice. Listen. Don't rush. Don't pressure. Listen. Let her tell her story. Give her time to get the words out. Listen. Don't try to guess what she is going to say. Don't jump to conclusions. Listen. Let her speak. Listen. She needs to be heard. Give her voice back. Let her control the conversation. Let her choose where, when, if and how to tell her story. Assure her that you will stand beside her. Be patient. Help her to feel safe. 

My heart hurts over the harm that has been done. Let us remember to Be Comforting. Be compassionate. Be kind. Be respectful. Be patient. Be considerate. Be gentle. Be like Jesus. 
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Here is the link to the 1st article in this series:
crisis-counseling-for-christians-part-1: abuse and abandonment


Here is an outstanding article from the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission: erlc.com/why-our-response-to-sexual-abuse-matters

Here is a link to some teaching from the Bible and an early Baptist confession of faith about God's complete opposition to evil: Bakers, Builders of Buggies and Barns and Baptists: Mennonite Teaching On God and Evil


Here is a link to the Washington Post Article:
southern-baptist-seminary-drops-bombshell-why-paige-patterson-was-fired/ar-AAy7BTV

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